But in either case they are reacting to whatever notion of manhood has been or is being authoritatively held aloft before them, defining themselves through — and impaling themselves upon — such reactivity.

But I insisted that I was not a man, until at age fifty, the knowledge that I had only ever felt like a man and a boy poured out of me with a certainty that I would never deny again. I have seen many men suffer by shutting themselves off from their own depths, stranding themselves from what would enable them to have truly fulfilling relationships — not just their empathy, vulnerability, and capacity for emotional literacy, but also their true power and resolve, their authenticity, their capacity to anchor themselves in real integrity.He has worked in jobs across the board from selling mortgages to being a bouncer at some of Boston’s biggest establishments.

Conscious relations between men and women require both men and women to come to understand our interrelations, differences, and unity, in and through each other, to each acknowledge the karmic threads of our collective past, and to avow our suffering.A Group Discussion Study Guide for the book is available here, both in print and as a free download.