You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, wants, desires, and needs. You do not have to meet everyone’s needs. You don’t have to do everything that someone wants you to do. You don’t have to do anything that someone wants, if it is not right for you. You’re not responsible for meeting their needs–they are. You doing something for them is just one possible way for them to meet their needs. If you say no, then it’s their responsibility to find a different way."

I hear about your mom, and your brother, and your dad. I hear about everyone else and what they want. But I don’t hear much of you in the story. It’s like you’re a minor character, and your needs and wants don’t really count for much.” However, it served as a good reminder to review some things again with great points, but honestly, I stopped about 3/4 of the way through because I was just ready to be done with it. At first I was all up for it, going all in, but sorry to say, the feeling faded. I realized a thing or two about myself and others (credit to the book here), and in the end couldn't buy into to the concept. Don't get me wrong, the approach is good, just not enough. It's not that simple. I wish it was. (Reading Letters From A Stoic by Seneca, parallel to Not Nice, as I did, certainly didn't make things easier. Not at all! A great challenge though. I recommend it.) BE 100% UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU! ARE YOU READY TO ESCAPE THE CAGE OF NICENESS SO YOU CAN ELIMINATE PEOPLE PLEASING, AND BOLDLY SPEAK UP? Here’s the thing. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. They’re not incompetent children. They’re adults who can handle their own feelings. They can work through disappointment, hurt, anger, sadness, and upset. In fact, doing so will make them stronger and healthier in the long run. You cannot stop others from feeling all discomfort, or all pain. It is an impossible task, a fool’s errand.”I’m not for everybody. That simple insight lead to a profound sense of relief. I no longer needed to convince every person who came across me or my message that I was a good, worthy person. Some people would love what I was doing, and some would not. That’s OK; I’m not for everybody. Just thinking it or saying it out loud makes me smile. Try saying it out loud right now: “I’m not for everybody.” Isn’t it a relief?" I eye-rolled at his stereotypical relationship advice about femininity and masculinity, where he advises the masculine partner to “take” and “own her.” His history in men’s groups really shines through and makes me cringe. You cannot stop others from feeling all discomfort, or all pain. It is an impossible task, a fool’s errand." I can honestly say without a doubt, that I am now the MOST assertive person I know, and I mean that with all the honesty in my heart. I feel powerful, in control, less anxious, happier, and I even stutter less lol. This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology.

It’s good to discover what I want It’s good to ask for what I want. It’s good to say what I want. It’s good to say what I don’t want. It’s good to be able to put myself first."I'm going to fight my urge to be nice to critique this book. I will say the nice things first--I thought the exercises toward the beginning of the book were really useful and helpful. Especially the one about writing down all the rules that you've made for yourself that you feel bad about breaking and the one about trying to figure out exactly what you like and want. Ok. The not nice... And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that.